A Famous Prayer...

God, grant us the...

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

I often feel bitter and "unfair", because I want too much to change things that are completely out of my control. Questions of "why", "why now? why not during better times?" keep ringing in my ears. But do I really know when's the better time? I don't. I just stubbornly don't want it to be now. We need a great deal of wisdom to know when to hold on and when to let go.

I feel impatient easily. At myself. I feel impatient when I don't get results as good as I suppose I should get. I put a lot of value on academic excellence. My self-esteem is tied to my excellence. I guess this explains why I wasn't so pleased a few times this week. I refuse to judge others by their academic performance (in fact we shouldn't at all), I don't admire intelligent students (as far as I notice). I mean, ya they're excellent and clever and smart, that's great! But admire? Why should I? I don't like it when I see someone being judged by their results.

But gosh... I've been judging MYSELF all this while based on my academic performance. There're times when I wonder why am I being so bad to myself.

I feel the need to change, if I don't want to live this life feeling unhappy about things that don't worth feeling unhappy for.