Can I hate myself?

At first I was excited, and wanted to write about things happened in KTT. Then, my excitement wore out and what left was the desire to shut myself.

Ok, let's talk briefly about KTT. Hm... we had 'steamboat' on Sunday night, from 7.30pm till around 10.00pm. We were looking at the score of Olympic badminton final on internet while eating, feeling quite nervous. Yesterday I had KFC, because my housemate had a car and she happened to be going out to buy things, so we asked her to take away for us. What else? One of my classmates thinks I'm over stressing myself, and that all the stress I have actually comes from myself. But I reckon the others are giving me quite a considerable amount of it as well. And I'm kind of good at stressing myself already. So the total is devastating ==" I can't seem to get enough sleep, and I can never get enough study. If I sleep more I study less. If I study more I sleep less, and nearly drop off in the class.

...

I made a decision which makes me think I was just being emotional. But I knew I would make it again even if I were given a second chance. I hate it when my plan was obstructed, especially when it's something I've been looking forward to the whole week. I knew what was the reasonable solution, but I chose to stick with my plan.

I hate it. I hate myself when I'm easily disturbed by changes of condition. I hate myself for not being able to come to a decision without putting myself in a dilemma beforehand. I hate myself when I start to doubt my decision after I've decided. I hate myself for not being a decisive person. I hate myself for not being firm and steady.