Babbling

Pain is a wakening alarm but also a blinding fold,
all i wanted to do is face the failure and ignore the beautiful weather.
All I wished for was something I didn't have,
and wonder what wrong have I done to receive the blow.
No matter what good I have,
it is never enough to cover the loss.
In the pain I fail to see the blessings and gifts,
or I see them but refuse to appreciate their values.
How many times i have to cry to waken the sleeping grateful soul in me?
And what was wasted were not just time,
but also tears and joys and meaningful life.
I cried and begged for child-like faith,
but my heart is hardened by deep-rooted pride.
My heart asks for the gone sweetness in its bitterness,
and anger suppressed with sadness.
It frightens me to see my ambition weakened,
along with joy and passion for my dreams.
Who has been keeping the wound opened?
It could have been my stubborn soul all along.
Yet I'm lost in this midst of life.
I see the mountain peak but I don't see the way up high.