The attitude to refuse any kind of failure on my way had got me through a lot of obstacles on my way to who I am this moment. I had always said to myself: "If THEY can do it, why not me?".
Ok. This sounds competitive. And yes it is. But believe, it got me through SPM. I'm not sure I'd have gained the result I got if I didn't have this in my mind, if I wasn't so determined to prove that I was as good as many others, and I was as good as I was expected (maybe) to be. Maybe I'd have been happier if I wasn't competitive. But maybe not. I don't know. You can only understand the road you've chosen, and believe that it was the best for you, but sadly, not the other.
So what happened when I have to accept that this kind of mentality would do more harm than good as I grow, as I venture into more challenging obstacles and the need to accept my own imperfections grow stronger and stronger? What happened when I realised this part of me is annoying for some. What happened when I myself have started to dislike it more than anyone else but simply can't change my own personality overnight? What happened when I become annoyed and disappointed because I'm simply not as good as I want myself to be. What happened when 'trying my best' is no longer good enough. What happened when I DO improve but the rate is so not satisfying? What happened when I feel so powerless? So so POWERLESS.
I don't know.
How I wish I had an answer.
P/S yeah, yeah... tell me some big phylosophyical theories, if you seriously think I can't talk about them as convincing as if I really can do them...
P/S Giving up is not in consideration. The above post is just to express my own feelings, as I have no one to actually TALK to right now...
8 comments:
well...
for me, I have thrown away the competetive mindcept long time ago... I feel really burden & self-centered by kept on comparing my result others. =) so I believe that everyone has their own pace on pursuing their hearts desires and goal.
I choose to pursue my dream of being a doctor by placing people's lives and heart for ppl as my core...my motive and puting God as my driver to keep me on His track. I try my best to honour Him in all I do. with that I acknowledge that each of us is diff n unique individual, and really be happy for one's result when he/ she succeeds..
friend of mine put a very good statement to push her "Never Be Satisfied with where you're at, Keep raising the bar of Excellence"
What do you think? =)
lots of love,
listener
hey, life is unpredictable, so do the pathway to success. The harder it is, the stronger in beliefs we shud have. I noe u dun need too many words to boost u up by now, in the past or by now. I believe in u, and u still have me to talk to. Always here dude :).
p/s: do take good k of urself, weather shud be getting colder now, rmb u have nose bleeding yea. luv u ^___^
herm, well long time didnt visit ur blogs due to my assignments loads and i left just weeks to my submission..
actually i hv the same problem now but not as seriuos as u haha, sometimes i hate myself being so competitive... but i just cant control myself.. herm.. kept thinking i hav to be the best i can.. turn out i m tired, tired to compete with others... and everytime when comes to the exam period i will become another person.. somehow hate myself being that way... and i need a solution too... haha..
Anyway, try ur best and good luck.. =).. and sometimes when i found that i am tired of competing with others, i will just go out somewhere to relax(alone), just a place to hv a deep breath, refreshing, i dunno whether it works on u but, sometimes it helps me to clear my mind..
jia you.
well. dun just study for exams. study for the sake of the lives of the people you are going to save in the future. this might sound silly now, but one of the only way of being a good doctor is to have to necessary skills and knowledge to heal. And the only way to get that is by gaining the knowledge yourself. No one can help us but ourselves. that's what i believe. don't have to compare to others. grades doesn't matter that much. what matters most is how much you truly understand. some people may score very well, but they tend to forget their stuffs easily right after exams. what's the point of studying if you can't really understand and apply in real life? i m not sure if i m in position to say all these, but always keep an open heart and mind, and think ahead. by ahead, i mean ten or twenty years ahead. who do u want to be? what kind of doctor you want to be? instead of just what kind of medical student you want to be. that's all i have to say.
yu xin!
People always say "failure is normal" in medicine. I kinda agree. Tho its normal, we shud still try to avoid it. In my case, we have too many exams to even whine. I'll occasionally post things like "whoa...tomorrow got 3 exams...." just to de-stress abit. I believe you can do it. Just find that peace in mind and refocus. Remember I said before, a good always follow a bad.
Sometimes we tend to feel so miserable because everyone else is performing well. This is mainly because we compare! I think this attitude may keep us going but if it gets us in the wrong way, we will end up twisted in our own labyrinth of negative thoughts.
Every person has her day. It may not be today but probably its tomorrow. Stay strong, like the yu xin I used to know.
♥
Hey...
Don't mean to sound creepy but i know you..but i don't think u'll ever know who i am. Haha.
Anyway. Well..It's just human's nature to be competitive. Sometimes we don't know where we stand if we don't compare with others. And, in the process of comparing, it's just natural to want to be the best. That's just a way of survival. Being competitive helps us survive. And i don't think you have to feel bad about that. ^^
Just make sure ur competitiveness doesn't make you selfish...then i think it'd be ok...
I think i understand how u're feeling right now...the older we grow and the more people we meet...our life circle widens and our perspective widens too. But i think there's need to understand that there's simply no one who will ever be the best and there's simply no one whom you can say is the worst.
I think you take life a bit too seriously. Don't ever say that you're disappointed because you'r'e not as good as you want yourself to be...that's just sad..i feel that way often too..but i think, sometimes it helps to just not take life so seriously. Life is short. Why place so much expectations on myself? Things that we have today might not be here anymore tomorrow...So just try your best and accept what you receive...with a thankful and grateful heart.
Believe me, even if one day you become 'as good as what you wanted yourself to be', not long after, u'll soon have an even higher expectation for yourself and you will struggle again to reach it.
I guess the most important thing in life for me is that the people i love are happy and i am happy.
Although...happiness isn't something i have all the time.
For someone like me...being happy takes effort. >_< But...i'm learning.
Really, expectations should remain as expectations...just a source of motivation to drive you forward..but never let it pull you down into feeling that you're good enough. :-)
hey Anonymous! I'm not sure you'll see this but if you do... I'd really like to know who you are. Thank you for your advices =) I know I have lots to learn in life =p
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